3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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