if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
