he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
