I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
