If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
