I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
