I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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