I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
