maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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