You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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