just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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