i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
