Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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