5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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