if only i could text you this smell
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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