Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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