Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
