I must be too annoying 4 u.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
