I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
