do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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