My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
