I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
