how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
