Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
