i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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