Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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