gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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