Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
