I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
