i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
