Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
