But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
