why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
