If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
