He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Boobs speak an international language.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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