we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
