I wanna passion pit in your ass
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
