Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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