i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
