apparently the secret to your success is patron
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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