he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
