I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
