Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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