I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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