question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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