I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Someone came in the potted fern
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
