I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm both gender and math confused
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
