he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
