Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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