no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
