Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
