he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
