Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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