Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dicks are not precious.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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