Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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