at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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