I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
