u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You left your phone here
Wait...
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