I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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