ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize