Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
you had me at cake vodka
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
