in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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