What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
