so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
