im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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