I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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