I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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