She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
