Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
