Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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