I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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