I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
