I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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