This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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