Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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